#15 Thursday 8/29: Leaving the Islands and Explosives
Well family this might be my last update from the Solomons. Today was movement day back to our home of record. Started the day off right with the Solomons version of Eggs Epic. For those who don't know, that's the Teames way of saying Eggs Benedict. It was a little different mainly because they don't have English muffins which is weird because they have all other English influence like driving on the wrong side of the road. Anyway there is just toast on the bottom. Then we had our official group AAR for an hour and a half which could be classified as a giant gripe session. It was productive though, but there were a bit of issues with the logistics and follow through with this mission but we were the recon team. The first US forces to do anything like this so we were more or less the guinea pigs. I feel sorry for the next group. They may not have as much fun and speaking of fun, we were finally all reunited with all teams from the other islands and by far and away our group in Munda was the best and best off. We did more cool activities on the weekends than any of the other groups hands down. They were all very jealous. We heard some other pretty great stories from the other teams. So apparently one of the locations names Auki was so remote and without essentials that they had to take the ferry back to Honiara on the weekend because everything was closed. Their ferry ride was pretty terrifying it sounds like. They all needed to puke and had no dramamine. Sounded fun. And they had to do that twice. That team also had a dentist, and he told us of some interesting stories. I guess the local dentists wanted a break and so they all called in sick the last day which happened to be the busiest of the whole trip and they only had a 5 minute break during the day and just when they thought they were going to be done the staff said they had one more patient and he was a prisoner. Super random. The dentist was a little nervous but decided to agree to treat him and was pleasantly surprised to learn that he spoke the best English and was very pleasant and appreciative. More so then everyone else. (The people were very appreciative of what we were doing.) So I learned a bit more about their prisons. Didn't think there were a lot of prisoners and there aren't per se but they still have crime and one of the more interesting crimes are random murders or "hits." So because there are all these islands here in the Solomons there are still tribalism that goes on and tribal rivalry, so I guess when someone from one tribe gets offended by someone on another tribe (not sure really what would constitute an offense. Maybe they light a fire that's to "mean?" I have no idea but apparently they will sneak into their rivals island sneak in and try to kill them and then sneak off the island which is where they usually get caught. Thus their prisoners. Or some of them apparently.
After all the AAR stuff we went to lunch and then "tried" to work on DTS. DTS stands for Defense Travel System, and if you know you know. I am certain that whomever came up with the SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures) for DTS was either born a communist or later converted to communism after being dropped as a child. It's the most bureaucratic unknowing, unintelligible garbage that soldiers from all branches have to navigate through anytime they travel anywhere for any reason. To be fair, it is better then before but it's still bad. Communist bad. The internet wasn't working well so I gave up and had to go to the airport. We made a quick pit stop at a local market because Shauna sent me on a secondary objective of obtaining a nativity in the Solomons. Well, they're catholic so they don't believe in Jesus so they didn't have any nativities anywhere. I would know. I looked in 5 islands for one and asked around. They didn't even know the word nativity. Sooo that was a mission fail. Sorry baby. I tried. Very, very hard. So hard in fact I almost missed my flight out on Honiara. I'll explain.
Traffic to the airport from the market was pretty bad but I thought no worries. This is the Solomons they board in 15 minutes. So I get there and there was another vehicle that had already dropped off all the other soldiers who were heading out on the same flight. They were already checked in. I was the last one. After checking in and filling out my customs form at the counter there one of the ground crew came back and asking if my checked back was mine. You never want to hear that so I happily said yes. With a big grin. He said I had explosives in my bag. Also something you don't want to hear. In that order. I said that I don't remember packing any explosives on this trip and they either didn't get that joke or didn't find it that funny. Either way I told him that I had some spent shell casings I got that were old WW2 bullet fragments. So he asked to see them and I rummaged through my bag to find them until I found the prize and the "explosives" these were .50 cal bullet fragments I found snorkeling because, you know, that's what you find snorkeling anywhere. I also found a bullet. Just the projectile. The part to shoots out and makes something go splat. So I showed it it him and the guy didn't quite know what to do with this or with me. He kept shaking his head saying he didn't think I could take them. And not wanting to go down without a negotiation fight I proceeded to negotiate with him and thought I almost had him when then he said realizing he might have an out, "well actually the police EOD team has to give you a certificate to get you take these." So I proceeded to ask for the EOD team to come clear them. He said it's far away. So I say how far. And he said you'll miss your flight if you go there far. So I say we'll maybe there's a police officer out there that can look at them. Relieved he said, "Yes! Maybe there is. Yes yes." I could see the inner turmoil in him where he really really wanted to say screw it just take them and...I don't think I should but then I gave him an out with the police officer things. He wanted someone else to say no to me so he could he absolved from disappointing me. At one point I told him I was military and I left these here 80 years ago and I just wanted them back. Again, not very funny to him but I had a great time with it. Okay so I decided to go track down a police officer. You know, because that's what you do in a situation like this when you are about to board a plane that might be carrying explosives in a foreign country and you wanted to self incriminate yourself in the act of doing such silly menial things. So I found a traffic cop. No joke this guy was directing traffic. And I stopped him from doing his job and explained the situation. He too had the same confused look that the other guy had but his was even more so. He looked at me like "I don't really understand what your saying to me right now but you look really nice and happy about it and you want me to come with you to show me something." That was the look he gave. So I pull him away from his insignificant duties of traffic duty cop to something much more important. My explosives on the airplane that I refuse to give up. To be fair up to this point they didn't outright say no so I was in my right to keep pushing them. Anyway this confused cop slowly and very reluctantly follows me back to the international terminal. I can tell he doesn't want to go in. So he stops and goes toward the fence line where all these locals are having a party watching the planes land. NO! You dummy this way! He stops to talk to a guy or a friend who's holding a little girl. It appears they are colleagues or something. He turns out to be an EOD guy. (In the Solomons the police handle all the UXOs because they don't have a military) AT LAST! An EOD guy who can clear my explosives. Also mind you that everyone has already checked in are at the gate and the flight is about to board. So I explain the same situation a third time and usher them all into the international airport to show off the explosives I had put into my bag. I show him all my stuff and at that moment I was cursing myself for not holding onto one last piece of gum to give to this guy's daughter. He looks at it and thinks and says "yeah, okay, it's okay." Ha! Hahahahahahaha! It was awesome. Like a giant literal sigh of relief from the baggage handler he said, "ohhh good." Like he didn't want to be the one to tell me no. So kids. Daddy is bringing home a little bit of history he was going to surprise you with unless the communist socialist party of California immigration doesn't take it away when I land in LA. So stay tuned. More fun to come.
When I finally made it through security the other soldiers were very nervous for me they didn't think I would make it or I got lost or arrested and sent to the murder prison. Happy to say I boarded my flight for Fiji and I am now on this massive plane headed to LAX from Fiji. So the lesson here is, never give up and always, always, claim you checked explosives and don't try to hide it. Own up to it kids. Just own it.
Ok in Fiji the Fiji water is a real thing. It's all they drink. Not sure why that's important here but just thought you should know.
Ok. That's all I got. Enjoy the photos. Not a lot today but enjoy them nonetheless. Hopefully if all else goes well, you'll hear from me in Dallas baby! Unless of course I'm arrested when I hit LAX. I'll let you know.
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